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An expedition is sent from Earth to Altair in the constellation of Aquilae (some 17 light years from Earth) to discover what happened to a colony of settlers on its fourth planet, Altair-4. What they discover is how and why an alien race of geniuses destroyed itself overnight while leaving their technology intact at some point in the distant, distant past.

Charles Bonnet, the latest in a long line of master art forgers, loans one of his best works, a faux Cellini Venus, to a Paris museum despite his daughter Nicole’s objections. Later, Nicole surprises a tuxedo-clad burglar in her father’s workshop. She can’t call the police because her father’s hobby might be discovered, so she ends up driving the man—Simon Dermott—back to his hotel. Dermott is actually an inspector who is gathering evidence against Bonnet, but his attraction to Nicole complicates the assignment. Nicole learns that the museum plans to conduct a test on the Venus for insurance purposes, which she knows will expose the statue as a fake. To save her father from jail, she asks Simon to steal it, unaware of his true identity. Simon, intrigued by the challenge and now smitten with Miss Bonnet, agrees to the proposal.

The throne of rightful king of England, the small babe with the purple pimpernel birthmark, has been usurped by the evil King Roderick. Only the Black Fox can restore the true king to the throne—and all he needs is the king’s key to a secret tunnel. And while he’s trying to steal it, someone has to change the king’s diapers. The task falls to Hawkins, the gentlest member of the Fox’s band. The Fox’s lieutenant, Maid Jean, guards Hawkins and the babe while they travel, but when they meet the King’s new jester on the road, they decide to initiate a daring plan for Hawkins to replace him, become an intimate at the court, and steal the key. So, humble Hawkins becomes Giacomo: the king of jesters and jester to the king. But things begin to get zany when the King’s daughter falls for Giacomo, the King falls for Jean, people randomly sing what are supposed to be recognition codes, and a witch with very effective spells (and poison pellets) begins to interfere.

Across the world, children are born with an extra twist to their chromosomes that allow them to exhibit superhuman abilities: fire a beam of force from their eyes, or sprout wings that allow flight or being able to read men’s minds. These ‘children of the atom’ are often feared and despised by the world, forcing these ‘mutants’ to resort to desperate actions. However, one group of mutants have banded together to show the world that it need not fear their kind. Apart, they are simply scientific curiousities, freaks and monsters - but together, united by their shared belief, they are more - they are the uncanny X-Men.

Roy and Helen Knable are having problems. Roy has become a couch potato and Helen resents this. After a fight, Spike, a high ranking devil, appears to offer Roy the ultimate satellite system. Roy signs without realising he has sold his soul. When he is sucked into the cable version of Hell, Helen is sucked in with him. They go through the satanic variety of cable TV where dying will consign them to damnation. Shows they find themselves on include: “Driving over Miss Daisy”; “Northern Overexposure” and “Autopsies of the Rich and Famous”. Roy must take charge and save them from the dangers of this cable Hell.

Lester and Orville accidentally launch a rocket which is supposed to fly to Mars. Instead it goes to New Orleans for Mardi Gras. They are then forced by bank robber Mugsy and his pal Harry to fly to Venus where they find a civilization made up entirely of women, men having been banished.

Romy and Michele are two former schoolmates who have also been roommates for ten years after the time they graduated, and their lives are far from successful, they can’t even get a date. As the 10-year class reunion approaches they try to do something to make an impression on other former schoolmates and finally decide to act as though they are very rich business women who invented Post-Its.

A small VHS only video store faces foreclosure in a poor community. While watching the store for the owner, a blundering employee’s friend accidentally erases all of the tapes. In order to keep their blunder from becoming apparent, the duo of Mos Def and Jack Black begin remaking the films themselves using homemade special effects and outdated filming techniques.

In Champion City, would be superheroes like The Shoveler, The Blue Raja and Mr. Furious can’t seem to make a difference and impress either the city or its greatest superhero, Captain Amazing. However, when Captain Amazing is captured by his greatest enemy, Cassanova Frankenstein, these stumblebum heroes must join with other superhero hopefuls to save the Captain and the city.

The twisted minds of two of the six writers of “Scary Movie” tackle the biggest mega-blockbusters of all time in “Epic Movie.” The story centers on four not-so-young orphans: one raised by a curator at the Louvre (where an albino assassin lurks), another a refugee from Mexican “libre” wrestling, the third a recent victim of snakes on her plane, and the fourth a “normal” resident of a mutant “X”-community. The hapless quartet visits a chocolate factory, where they stumble into an enchanted wardrobe that transports them to the land of Gnarnia (with a “G”). There they meet a flamboyant pirate captain and earnest students of wizardry - and join forces with, among others, a wise-but-horny lion to defeat the evil White Bitch of Gnarnia.